Waiting for daddy: Toll of California wildfires hangs heavy on firefighters' families

REDONDO BEACH, Calif. – Jenna Partlow's nightly routine with her young son took an unexpected turn almost two weeks ago.

As she prepared to tuck her 8-year-old in and offer their usual bedtime prayers, a small voice broke through the sheets.

"Is he alive?" her son whispered, his eyes reflecting a heartbreaking mix of innocence and fear that left the Redondo Beach mother stunned. The question, focused on his firefighter hero – his father, Bryan Partlow – weighed heavily on him.

The child's curiosity was as thick as the smoke and wildfires that blanketed Los Angeles that evening on Jan. 9. It was also a grim reflection of the deadly inferno that his dad had rushed into the day before, along with seven of his brave comrades in an engine from the El Segundo Fire Department (ESFD).

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"We pray for him every night when he's at work, no matter what he's doing," Jenna Partlow told FOX Weather. "I was just really taken aback by that question. He's never asked that before."

It was a hard topic to answer, she admitted, her voice cracking.

"I had to put that to the side and deal with it later, when nobody was at home," Partlow recalled. "I just cried. It's a real question, you know? I thought to myself … I'm not telling Bryan about this until he gets home."

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‘A whole different breed of human’

As California battles what may be the most destructive wildfire in American history, stories like Partlow's offer a poignant reminder of the immense sacrifices made by thousands of firefighters on the front lines and the profound impact the recent hurricane of fire has on their families. 

"They're tired … it's taking a toll, but they will never tell you that," she said. "They will never complain. It is a whole different breed of human."

In most cases, these men and women work grueling 24-plus-hour shifts on the fire line, followed by minimal rest. At the height of the current wildfires, ESFD worked 50 hours consecutively without relief, according to Partlow.

"Those not on the strike team are working extra consecutive days at the station, also away from home," she adds. "The dedication and commitment to saving homes and lives is not just with the firefighters on the front lines, but carried by the entire department and their families."

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Nine years into her marriage to a veteran 17-year fire captain, this deployment felt different. As a mother of two, she'd weathered her share of his absences, but this mandated deployment, amidst unprecedented conditions, weighed heavily on her. 

This time, the smoke was visible even to her children, who watched with apprehension as ash began to settle in the air. The weight of this strike team deployment, the fear in her children's eyes – it all felt different, more overpowering.

"I can't let fear enter my mind because it will take you over," she said.

Holding the line at home

Amidst her concerns for her husband's safety, Partlow's stress escalated with the logistical hurdles of childcare and the demands of her own career during his maximum two-week deployment. 

The missed events – their wedding anniversary, his son's eighth birthday – felt like a cruel reminder of his absence, adding further strain to an already-unbearable situation.

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The emotional impact on their children was also evolving as they grew older.

"I can see it in their eyes, in their questions," Partlow said, mindful of her own emotions and how she presented them to her kids.

She fears this situation will not go away, with more wildfires likely in the future. However, she remains focused on helping her children build resilience, teaching them how to cope with fear and uncertainty.

Partlow admits it's a heavy responsibility, but says she can't hide the difficulty and learns to manage it day by day.

"I'm not even going to entertain the possibility that he won't be okay, because right now I have to hold the line at home," she said.

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Connecting with other "firewives," sharing fears and anxieties and offering mutual support has been invaluable for Partlow. This sense of community has brought her peace, and she is grateful to the two strangers on the internet who helped make it possible.

Lifeline beyond survival

Audra Carrion and Chelsi McFadden created "Dear Chiefs," a podcast that offers a lifeline to spouses and partners of firefighters and first responders, who often feel isolated and misunderstood. The audio stream amplifies their voices, giving them a platform to be heard.

"It’s a place where they can hear stories that resonate with their own lives, find support in the challenges they face and gain practical tools to help them thrive in this unique and often chaotic lifestyle," McFadden told FOX Weather.

Dear Chiefs isn't just about survival; it's about thriving despite the challenges – a message the trusted platform delivers to its over 24,500 followers.

"We want to show others in this community that what they’re going through as a spouse and as a family is a part of the job no one talks about and few understand," Carrion said. "People tell us every day how they feel seen and heard and that is huge to us."

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Partlow emphasizes that this isn't just her story. It's about everybody else who is in her shoes.

"I think that's the most important thing right now," she said, because tomorrow night, another child might wonder if their hero is alive, and the answer may not be what they hoped.